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Mid 40's-50's.
A candidate. Hypnotizingly watchable.


PENNY. I want to address one of the biggest questions of the campaign so far. Who is Penelope Easter? Me. Who am I? What is she/I about? Is/am she/I the one who will do what I/you want?

Some of ya have no idea.

You might not have followed my success in the professional roller-skating circuit, been affected by my charity work, or you might not have heard a hoot about all the doable plans we've been hatching over in Haye Springs.

You might know what they want you to know about me. That sometimes I put my "foot in my mouth." Sometimes I confuse "my grains and what they are sheathed in." And I have a husband who "likes special things." I'm not going to bestow any dignity to the elitist attacker naypeople by addressing their vicious teapot gos- sip. But I will address you, the people of Nebraska, the voters with a choice who are probing their hearts to decide if I am the right candidate to dimple their chad for.

To answer your question I must first ask my own: Who are you? Seriously, who are ya? What's your sign? Why did you come here? Wearing those sandals? With that face? Do you think you deserve the great things I could do for you simply because you exist? Because your mommy said you were special? Seriously, what makes you worth fighting for?

A campaign is a date. Between you and me. And we're dancing, we're getting drinks, we're touching each other's shoulders, and our nipples are paying attention, but I need more if we're gonna be an L.T.R. I don't want to be "one of those" couples who are all lovey- dovey until compromise and sacrifice transform them into resentful sacks. 'Cause let me tell you, if we want a bright future, we're gonna need a more perfect union than that.

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